Why He’s Just Not That Into You and That’s OK

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This post is definitely different from what I typically write about. My blog focuses on lifestyle, travel, fashion and beauty but I’ve always been interesting in dipping into the category of love and relationships. When I was younger, I watched Sex and The City religiously and I loved Carrie’s Bradshaw life. An independent, fashionable woman who found support in other women and built an empire writing about her experiences.

That’s what I want and who I aspire to be. So let’s pretend for a little that The Carly Collective is the relationships column in the New York Post.

I haven’t had much luck finding love but I have kissed plenty of frogs. Congrats to the Charlotte’s who have found their Harry you can live vicariously through me.

I recently split from my boyfriend of two years. It was a mutual decision after we decided we both want different things for our lives. The past month has been spent cleaning, packing, and adjusting to him moving out of my apartment. We are still friends.

So, I’ve been off the dating market for a little while and jumping back into it hasn’t been easy. For the first time, I downloaded Bumble and Tinder. Then proceeded to delete Bumble and Tinder because SHIT YA’LL, THIS ONLINE DATING THING SUCKS. 

I’m fresh off a bad date experience so I’m ready to share. I hope you learn from my mistakes.

  

I met a guy at a bar in Charlotte, NC last weekend and we instantly hit it off. We did the whole texting thing for a week and decided to hang out again. When did dating become this ridiculous? You send your crush a text to ‘hang’ and then wait 5 hours for them to get back to you. In those 5 hours, you overthink everything and anything that could possibly go wrong. It’s pathetic.

Instead of going out to a nice dinner or a movie, I took an uber to his place for some wine and conversation. *Don’t go to his place on the 1st date. He doesn’t have to put in any effort and you deserve effort.*

After what seemed like good discussion and exchanged laughs, he asked me to leave and apologized that he was “tired”. Once he didn’t have to say it to my face, he admitted that he doesn’t think we are compatible. Hey Z, if there’s any chance you are reading about this… Sorry, I lied. I AM writing about this.

  

When the rejection first hit, I felt like something was wrong with me. Here was this handsome man who was sweet, funny, and smart, that didn’t want me. I went over the date a thousand times in my head. I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, rich enough, or charismatic enough. It took me a good night’s sleep to collect my thoughts and get my shit together. Z didn’t say I wasn’t pretty enough, rich enough, charismatic enough, etcs. He just said that we weren’t compatible.

If you’ve been rejected, there is NOTHING wrong with you. It just wasn’t meant to be. You gotta move on and stop dwelling on it. You cannot force someone to be into you.

However, I definitely did not put my best foot forward last night. I drank way too much and tried to be someone I’m not because I thought that’s who he’d like. I really f’ed myself over by doing that. On first dates, do NOT drink extensively, let him get some words in, and avoid talking about politics, religious beliefs, and exes.

With dating, you ARE going to fuck up and you ARE going to be rejected. You just need to pick yourself up and move on to the next one. Dating is about putting yourself out there and laying it all on the line. Kind of terrifying stuff, right? But in the end… totally worth it.

Welcome aboard the hot mess express, readers. I hope you enjoy the highs and lows of my love life 😊

 

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1 Comment

  1. Deborah

    This is such an important lesson that I think a lot of people should really learn. I’ve had my fair share of bad dates and I would beat myself up over them until my best friend said something that really made me stop: She reminded me that I’m not really into Channing Tatum. Sounds silly but hear me out: if you think about how many women in the world is attracted to Channing Tatum, one woman out of so many not thinking she’s not into him, makes very little difference as to who he is – me not being into him isn’t taking away from his attractiveness to other people. And if a mega star like Channing Tatum isn’t going to be attractive to everyone, I can’t possibly be attractive to everyone and that’s okay.
    In any case, thank you for writing this post!

    12 . Dec . 2017

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